Dive/I Feel Strange

People said, don’t dive too deep or too long, then you’ll be out of breath. Or you could be drowning.

Last these few weeks, I got a constant feeling. Feel weird, strange. People around me, become foreign. People I know become stranger. Talking to my ex classmate, my ex worker feel awkward. I think myself, maybe I’ve burn out or exhausted. Maybe I’m thinking too much.

They said, don’t think too much. And that’s became my problem.

Since I was in high school and then, going to boarding school, I’m not quite mix up with other people. I am able to but with small people and not the entire time. Not that I don’t like surrounded people too much and but then, I become exhausted. And it just me like being quiet. I don’t make up all of this. I’m not bragging this thing. This is what I am. People said, change. When people said you need to change, they don’t understand. Of course, there is certain part that need to change. Everyone in some, certain need to change because we are not perfect. Allah make everyone of us is different is for us to learn. The part that need to change is what part that need to survive. Another part is make who you are. Everyone is not the same, that’s the distinction.

Had become an INFP is not easy. And make up that to how much is that? 2% or 4% of the human population as the research said. Yeah, probably most of the people don’t agree or don’t believe in this what-16-personality thing. Who care about it?To use for what? They might think that doesn’t impact on themselves, in what they do. But for me, if you take time to reflect yourselves, to understand yourselves then might be easy to you for less not hurting other people.

I was a science student before and now, feel right now like deviated to the arts. It had surprise me for some time. Because I feel like it understand me well.People said study science but right now and my friend had said to me, art people make more money than science. Nowadays, as we realised the science people are rule by the art people. The one thing that we need to realised that we quite biased to art. A secondary class. We think art and science are individual. But it was actually related to each other, when it is come to best to combine it.

During my lower secondary school, I can even study with the music/tv on. I remember watching the Billboard, watching drama at Channel 5 Singapore or in the morning, and when NTV 7 channel only start in the afternoon, and there was music clip on that I always see. But when I went to boarding school, was just surrounded with people but could not concentrate my study. I was struggling. The only thing in my mind, just survive. Just survive.

When people said do that, change that, it make me feel that to be the one who is misunderstood and weak. Sometimes, you need to stop for a moment and notice. Like Ferris Bueller’s Day off said, life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around for a while you could miss it.

Nah, you don’t believe that. Don’t waste our time,right?

*As I was writing this, I just wanted to clear my mind. It was just travelling all around in my head and I need to get it out. If not then, I’ll be looking like a crazy person talking myself. I’m sorry when sometime I was rambling in the group whatsapp. The head, the hand and the mouth might be not aligned when doing the talk*